The Hardest Question
"So, tell me a little about yourself."
Okay, it's not technically a question, but it still requires an answer.
This is the probably the hardest "question" people ask me. As soon as I hear it, my palms begin to sweat and the air is sucked out of my lungs. Answering this is difficult to navigate. How much do they really want to know? What if my answer is boring? What if I overshare? What if they're sitting there thinking, "Yeeps, I'm sorry I asked?"
I'm sure 99% of people have some of these same thoughts. But for my anxiety-riddled mind, it's a paralyzing scenario. Especially if it's asked in person.
You see, I'm a walking, talking oxymoron. I've been told all my life that I'm a complicated person and I accept that. I own it. You simply can't fit me into one box and label it Alison. No, I'm a warehouse of boxes. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty good at reading people and knowing overall, based on the person I've seen and gotten to know, what they will or won't like, what they'll be game to try or not try, how they'll react to a certain situation. But, I don't think others can do that with me. In fact, I know they can't because I've been told that to my face.
But maybe I'm not so different from everyone else. Maybe everyone is their own warehouse of boxes, and we just all keep it really hidden.
So, I thought I'd use this post to shine a light on some of my oddities?...idiosyncrasies?...weird likes and dislikes? Here goes...
*I like ALL music except for jazz. I can get into country, pop, rap, R&B, alternative, rock, heavy metal. All of it. Except jazz. I think it's because it's too fluid and there's not a stable beat or rhythm I can get into. It's all over the place, and--this is deep, guys--it reminds me too much of my own chaos so I tend to shy away from it.
*I'm just as happy shopping at The Dollar Tree as I am at Coach. I love them both. Target makes me happy, but Office Max makes me happier. I have 300 pens/pencils/markers/crayons in 3! drawers, yet I still buy more. And planners, calendars, sticky notes, cute paper, staplers, hole punchers, stamps. I'm an office supply wh***. I simply can't help it.
*I'm the same way with makeup. Especially lipsticks and glosses. I can't resist them. It's a problem.
*I hate seafood, fruity or sweet flavors on my meats (ham with pineapple? just no.), iced tea (sacrilegious for a southern girl, i know), any meat besides cow and the occasional chicken, lima beans, mango, and pecans. But, I love Doritos crunched up in cottage cheese. Go figure.
*I talk to myself, dance in the car, watch YouTube way more than I should (Superfruit and Dan and Phil, anyone?), love the water, go crazy over football, pumpkin anything, fall in general, and Christmas. I hate Valentines Day and my birthday. But, I love celebrating other people's birthdays. I get a special thrill out of wrapping a gift just right. The presentation of it matters.
*I hate some surprises, but love others. I daydream about 85% of the day. I have road rage, and I really, REALLY hate school zones. I love white water rafting, but would never consider skydiving. I'm scared of death in general.
*I have 2 tattoos and would love more. I love to curse because it satisfies me. Sometimes a well-placed F-bomb is the only word that will do. I want to get my nose and eyebrow pierced, but I'm scared I'll be judged. I'm messy but it's a controlled mess. I'm the best "finder" in the world. If it's lost, I can find it and I won't give up until I have.
*I crave the spotlight but am terrified of it at the same time. I want to help others who also suffer with depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts because I've been there and know how much it sucks.
*My house burned down when I was about 3 years old. It's one of my first memories. To this day, I think I smell smoke in the house at least once a week.
*I love to be alone. I'm perfectly happy listening to music, watching Netflix, writing, coloring, and daydreaming. I like being around people, too, but it's on my terms and it varies from hour to hour how I'm feeling.
*I can't sleep if it's too quiet or hot. I need noise. But not too much. I still feel like I'm 17 years old. I long to be able to go back and re-live my twenties. I'm scared of getting old. Refer back to my overall fear of death.
*Writing fills a void that nothing else can. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad. It's infuriating. I also cry when I laugh. I go on rants that other people find hilarious even when I'm being dead serious. It's a curse.
*I used to collect elephant figurines. Now I collect dust. I'm a Texas A&M alumni and damn, damn proud of it. I have A&M stuff all over my house. My hubs is a Tennessee fan, so I've been converted to them, too. College football season is the best season in our house.
*I like snarky people because they can keep up with me. My default setting is sarcasm.
*Favorite movies are Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, all the Indiana Jones movies, John Wick, Fried Green Tomatoes, The Goonies, Juno, Hitman, The Hunger Games movies, Easy A, Crazy Stupid Love, Drumline. I hate the Divergent movies, though.
*I love goats.
*I'm almost impossible to offend. People think I'm shy and quiet until they get to know me and then they realize the seedy underbelly of my personality. Heh.
So, there's a little bit of me. I could go on for days, but I won't bore you with any more. If you even made it this far, I applaud you. And I thank you.
I'd like to hear from you. Do you dread the "Tell me about yourself" question? What's your "go to" answer? What weird things do you hide? I want to know!